keep.your.smile

Ah Rie Beau

Mercredi 23 avril 2008 à 1:55

"Tout va te paraitre dérisoire, mais n'abandonne rien. Ne cède rien au désespoir ! Utilise tes rêves. Et même s'ils sont cassés, recolle-les ! Un rêve brisé recollé peut devenir encore plus beau et solide. Au point de fracasser les limites du réel. Et si tu es triste à mourir, c'est normal, assume le. Mais ne te laisse pas aller ... Il te faudra un peu de temps. Les cataclysmes, c'est lourd à digérer. Mais garde bien l'idée de vie en tête. Applique-toi, et fonce à ton rythme."

C'est le jour J. On est le 24 avril 2008. Ça fait un an. Un an tout pile. Un an tout rond. Un an et j'ai toujours pas oublié, comment le pourrais-je ? J'avais écris un article sur ça y'a un an, un article que je n'ai jamais osé publier. Peut-être que je le mettrai en ligne, un jour, quand mon deuil sera effectué. D'ailleurs, je crois que ce deuil, je l'ai jamais commencé. Je sais pas par où le commencer, je sais pas comment ca fonctionne cette chose. Et j'ai pas envie de le savoir parce que je veux pas t'oublier. Tu m'as beaucoup trop apportée quand tu étais encore là. Tu m'as tellement appris à travers tes paroles et discours engagé.

Je sais qu'on a tous fait des erreurs. Lui le premier en faisant tout c'qu'il a fait. Mais j'le sais, alors jferai tout c'qui est en mon possible pour que ca éclate au grand jour je te le promet. Et eux ensuite, l'erreur la plus fatale qu'il puisse être, j'en reviens toujours pas, et je leur en veut toujours énormément. Crois-moi, je ne les regarde plus de même œil.

Cet article ne ressemble pas du tout a celui que je voulais. J'voulais expliquer que tu me manquais, que ton utopisme et ta combattivité me manquait. Jvoulais raconter que depuis que t'es partie moi ca va plus du tout. Jvoulais aussi expliquer que c'est depuis ton départ que jsais pu où j'en suis dans la vie. Que depuis, j'avance au gré du vent, et non plus au gré de mes envies. Que jsais pas quoi faire, que je sais pas comment le faire, ni avec qui le faire. Que je sais pas ce que je veux, ni pourquoi je le veux, et encore moins comment je le veux.

J'aurai aussi voulut dire à ceux qu'ont baissés les bras que c'est pas grave, que jleur en veut pas, que jles comprend, et que jles remercie pour ce qu'ils ont déjà fait pour moi.
Et j'voulais dire merci a ceux qui sont encore là. Que leur présence me suffit s'ils ne trouvent pas les mots appropriés.

Un merci spécial pour mon ptit Belge préféré qui trouve toujours les mots pour me faire sourire. Que son "Schtroumiiiii " me faire regretter tout c'que j'viens de dire. Et que ca tête de patate confite me fait hurler de rire.

Jsais pas si j'aurai un jour la force d'affronter ton départ. Je sais déjà pas comment j'ai fait pour tenir un an. Mais, j'espère quand même que t'es fière de moi de là-haut. Je sais que tu croyais beaucoup en tout ca, l'histoire des petits anges qui veillent sur les autres, l'histoire de la vie après la mort et tout le reste. Moi j'y ai jamais vraiment cru, mais pour toi j'y crois. Seulement pour toi j'peux y croire de toute manière. Parce que tu m'as fait croire en moi, tout simplement. Même si maintenant je peux plus rentrer dans une Eglise sans avoir envie de pleurer comme une dingue ; va falloir que j'le fasse, cet été, pour elle et non plus pour toi. J'y serai, compte sur moi. Je sais que tu aurais aimé y être tant tu aimais Styboun, j'y serai pour toi. J'aurai pas d'ombre de géant moi, mais jcompterai pour deux. Pour toi, et pour moi.






































Jtaime.Jtoubliepas.Jpenseàtoitoutbas.Toutl'mondel'ignore.Jmenfout.



Par tite vivi le Samedi 26 avril 2008 à 17:24
J'comprend tout ça, j'préférerais pas comprendre.
En tout cas elle es fière de toi, j'en suis sure.
Un signe qu'elle t'as envoyé.
Un signe magnifique.
Une date unique.
J't'aime.
<3...
Par Damien en personne le Mardi 29 avril 2008 à 21:56
T'as beaucoup bu la tasse. Ca a l'air d'aller mieux depuis quelques jours, je suis ravi pour toi tu sais. Jte souhaite bcp de bonheur, tu le mérites amplement!
Par Idril Lúinwë le Lundi 5 mai 2008 à 22:18
Je voudrais te mettre un commentaire de soutien, mais je ne veux pas que tu ressente de la pitier, je me sentirai ridicule, la pitier c'est montrer qu'on est impuissant, pourtant je ne veux pas que tu crois que je m'en fiche, alors je vais mettre un commentaire, débile certes, mais on pourra dire que "c'est l'intention qui compte"
Je ne veux pas que tu crois que tu es seule, je ne vais pas dire que je comprends ce que tu ressens, par ce que je le sais pas, pas a ce point, je m'en veux, de rien pouvoir y faire, maitre coco n'y pourra rien, je voudrais avoir des supers pouvoirs, distribué un sourire a chacun, j'essaye, sans pouvoir magique, juste avec de l'enthousiasme, même si en ce moment je suis a bout, je suis fatiguée, et je vide mon sac sur toi, les autres peuvent toujours compter sur moi, et quand c'est de trop, c'est sur toi que je peux compter moi, sur toi, et à chaques fois, j'ai l'impresseion de ne pas pouvoir renvoyer l'assenceur
Ca va bientôt faire 2 ans que Solveig est partie, alors peut on dire que je te comprend ?? J'en doute, j'arrive pas a ressentir ce que tu ressens, c'est de l'égoisme ?? Pas que je ne tiens pas aux gens que j'ai perdus, pas que ça ne me fasse rien, c'est différent, je ressens les choses différemment, tous le monde ressens les choses de différentes façons c'est peut être pour ça, qu'on peut pas t'aider dans ce deuil comme tu dis, ce mot barbare, il n'y a que toi qui peut ... que toi. Et ton sac tu peux le vider sur moi, et sur tous les autres, même sur les pietons si tu veux ^^.
Maintenant je me souviens de ce qui s'est passé ce 24 avril, bien que je m'en doutais mais trop tard, et tu as raison, finalement vallait mieu pas savoir, mais je m'en suis rendu compte trop tard, il était trop tard j'avais déjà insister. J'avais oublié que tu avais toujours raison...

PS : Toi tu as lu "maintenant qu'il fait tout le temps nuit sur toi" =D j'ai de la limonade dans les yeux
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